Trisomy Awareness Month

A facebook friend is running a segment on her blog, Still Playing School, for Trisomy Awareness Month. I am so proud to have Quinn's story included. Please check it out HERE

Here's to 2014!

    Wow, 2014!  Where did the year go? 

 

I would say that 2013 was good to me and my little family! 

 

Adley joined us on January 14th at 9:14 pm.  She is the happiest, sweetest, baby.  She has made our lives so full.  Ashlyn has went from my baby to my little girl.  Not so sure I am happy about that though.... She is the sweetest girl though... usually... unless she is in a mood and she can be pretty darn sassy!  This is the first year since before being being pregnant with Quinn in 2011 that I have felt good.  The days and months after July 20, 2011 have been hard but this past year, they have been less hard.  There are still moments where I have a hard time believing that I am the mother to a dead daughter, don't get me wrong, and I miss her still with everything that I am but I am doing....better.  I can say that I am out of the fog, out of the deep grief and am in "new normal" stage I guess. 

 

It is hard to start a new year and leave Quinn further behind.  It always will be, but at the same time, I am looking forward to the future.  I am looking forward to watching my sweet Ashlyn and Adley grow and work on a better marriage with Steve.  I will be honest, your daughter dying and everything that comes along with it can take a toll on your marriage.  I think we are both at a point in our grief that it is time that we can stop looking inward and start looking to each other, too.  We can grow closer again, like we used to be.  Stop being just Ashlyn, Quinn, and Adley's mom & dad and become Meghan & Steve, the couple, again. 

 

My resolution for 2014 is to be a better me.  In every way that I can be.  Take care of myself more and put me first for a change.  Wash my face before bed, work out again, lose some more weight, get up earlier so I am not rushing in the morning, be more organized, be more patient with the girls, just work on being a better me!  Oh, and maybe even to blog more ;)

 

I hope you have a very happy and safe New Years! 

What should be perfect but isn't

This past weekend, Saturday was beautiful. Your perfect Spring day. Steve and I took the girls to the park for Ashlyn to play. I sat on the bench enjoying the sun with Adley and as it always goes, Ashlyn decided she had to pee about 15 minutes in. Of course they didn’t have the bathrooms open so we called my parents to see if they were home for her to go since we were out that way. After her potty break we walked up to the park near their house.
On the way home, I was wearing a sleeping Adley in the carrier and Ashlyn was running ahead with my mom and I thought of how perfect our life is, and then instantly that stab of pain came and reminded me just how it will never be perfect.
I am so so very blessed to have such a wonderful life. A loving husband who is good to me, respects me, and loves me for me, two BEAUTIFUL girls here with me, a wonderful supportive family, a nice little house, a job… I have a lot. I have a lot that some people would kill for. Yet, it will never be enough. It will never be perfect. My perfect died on December 2, 2011. My life will never be complete. Never.
Even the simplest of things, like a walk to the park on a beautiful day, can remind me of that, and that sucks! Sucks.

Weigh-In Monday - week 4

Phew, finally getting around to updating. This week started so strong and ended so so wrong! Isn't that the way it always is!!?!?
First off, weigh in. It wasn't great, but down. I just can't seem to get away from this damn 175!! (Well couldn't……)
　

Current weight: 175.0

This weeks loss / gain : -.8

Loss to date: 5.6

First Goal: 171.6 (5% loss)

Hard spots: Tracking - let's all just admit that it isn't going to happen and move on, okay? Okay!

Bragging : I can't even remember at this point…. Doing this post way too far after the fact but I have good reasons!
　

Sunday night I was so ready to start this week! I cut up peppers to snack on, made garlic garlic dip, blended my Green Smoothie
　

had my new awesome running shoes all ready to start the C25K program

　
and then this happened: 　

Yeah……. my poor poor baby was so so sick =(

And after that I was back to work on Tuesday and then Wednesday it was my turn. It was MISERABLE! I don't think I have EVER been that sick! But, having intestinal flu will help you drop weight! Thanks to the flu diet on Thursday I was here on the scale:

Now, I know that it wasn't a REAL loss and once I am able to eat again, if that ever happens, I will likely gain most back but it was still nice to see none-the-less!


The weather is going to be beautiful this weekend, I told the family that no one is allowed in the house unless it is nap time or bed time. We are shaking those germs off! And next week I am back on track with the C25K program! More on that in the next post!

Have a good weekend!

Explaining Heaven...

Ashlyn talks about Quinn a lot.  We encourage it.  It makes my heart smile and cry at the same time. 
She woke up the other day and the first words out of her mouth were that she told Quinn that mommy and daddy love her. 
She will randomly bring her up with no prompting at all.  She will talk about her being in Heaven with Jesus and God. 
The hard times are when she asks if she can go and see her in Heaven.  She will ask where Heaven is and when you tell her that it is way up in the sky with the clouds she wants to go.  She knows that Uncle Nick lives far away in Florida and he takes an airplane to get there so she figures that if Heaven is far away we can just fly there too.  How can you explain to someone so sweet and innocent that we can't just go and visit as much as we wish we could.  I try and tell her that someday, a long long time from now, we can all go and visit Quinney.  She will ask if random people can come as well, her cousins, Ethan and Dommie and their sister Lennyn, Nana, Papa, Terry our neighbor,...  she wants them all to go to Heaven with her and visit her sister and God. 

Oh how I wish we could visit my Quinn-Bean.  Oh how I wish that Ashlyn could know her baby sister, and Adley her big sister. 

My heart hurts today. 

Update...

I have been trying to write this post forever. Honestly, since at least Easter. I had all of my pictures all set to wow you with my cute kiddos but then could never get around to actually writing the post. Here are at least a couple of the pictures….

I really feel like I just can't get a handle on things. Being back to work is fine but I feel like I can't get everything done. I have so many things I want to spend time on and it seems they all get half-assed or not at all. The house is a disaster 90% of the time. We have this little tornado named Ashlyn who lives with us and she messes it up faster than I can pick up. It is never ending! I pick up one thing and turn to find 3 more. We teach her to put her shoes away, coat in the closet, clothes in the hamper, do not just leave puppy in the middle of the kitchen floor, yet there is still constantly stuff everywhere! Constantly! Other than just the normal upkeep to stop the house resembling too closely to the city dump, there is so much else I would love to do. I would love to keep up on couponing and actually save some money. I would love to be able to make hair bows, scrapbook… this will (most likely) be the first year that I do not have Ashlyn's album done by her birthday. I couldn't go to the weekend crop I normally go to because I had just had Adley and just don't have the time to sit and scrapbook at home. Plus, whenever you try to do something like that is when the kiddos want you! There is so many other things that I would love to do… even if it is just deep cleaning the house… but I can't find the time. When I am not with the kids I am exhausted. Plus, there is the whole spending time with Steve too which we really do not get to do as much as we would like.
Sigh…
Okay, I am done complaining. I know that every other working mom, which I put "stay-at-home moms" in this grouping as well (it is work people, you try staying home all day with a 3 year old - getting to go to work is like a vacation at times), have the same problem!
Things in the Pfeiffer house have been good. Crazy, but good!
As we are quickly approaching Ashlyn's birthday I can tell you first hand that the "terrible-two" are a joke. Seriously! Try the oh-my-fucking-gosh-my-child-is-a-monster-threes. Yeah. We're there. This weekend alone I was told "I don't love you, anymore" and Steve got the "I hate you", the first of what I am sure is many to come! That was all because we told her to either go potty or eat her dinner. Gasp! What mean parents!
Normally, I have a very sweet, smart, caring, child but get her over-tired or try and do something that she perceives as taking away any bit of independence and you might need to shield yourself from the pea soup!
Adley has been doing fabulous! I can not get enough of this child. She is so damn cute! She is smiling and cooing and just completely adorable. She is so happy and easy going! She got to hang out with her BFF / Twin, Kendal, this week and it made me see just how much of a peanut she is. Kendal is just about 6 weeks younger and is already bigger. They are so flipping cute together! Although I do not want my baby to grow up, at the same time, I can't wait until the girls are a little older and can really interact with each other. This summer is going to be so much fun!

Speaking of Summer, I just got Ashlyn enrolled in swim classes. I think I am more excited that she is!
Well, that is what is going on with us.
I have a ton of other posts that I want to write and I am hoping to get to them soon! Hopefully!!

Weigh-In Monday - week 3

I was down.  Not enough, especially since I am not even down the full pound that I gained last week, but down. 

I started the week doing great with tracking and then, as always, I started sucking.  I really just need to suck it up and pay for the meetings.  Honestly, I think that is the only way I am going to stay on track.  I need those old ladies judging me!  It costs about double and I really didn't want to fork over $40 a month but... I apparently can't find the motivation on my own!
I will say that although I wasn't down what I would like, I did fit back into some pants that I was in when I got pregnant with Adley!  Now, the shirt is very forgiving, but I am still pretty happy =)

I also got Adley's new ride!  I am so excited to try it out!  That and the 'Ease into 5k' app that I just downloaded on my phone!  I did tell my mom I would run some with her so now I have to be busy training for them!! 

Current weight: 175.8

This weeks loss / gain : -.6

Loss to date: 4.8

First Goal: 171.6 (5% loss)

Hard spots: Tracking

Bragging : Fitting into pre-pregnancy pants

This week's goal: Track!  (Isn't that every week's goal) and break in that stroller