Wow,
2014! Where did the year go?
I would say
that 2013 was good to me and my little family!
Adley
joined us on January 14th at 9:14 pm. She is the happiest, sweetest, baby. She
has made our lives so full. Ashlyn has went from my baby to my little girl.
Not so sure I am happy about that though.... She is the sweetest girl though...
usually... unless she is in a mood and she can be pretty darn sassy! This is
the first year since before being being pregnant with Quinn in 2011 that I have
felt good. The days and months after July 20, 2011 have been hard but this past
year, they have been less hard. There are still moments where I have a hard
time believing that I am the mother to a dead daughter, don't get me wrong, and
I miss her still with everything that I am but I am doing....better. I can say
that I am out of the fog, out of the deep grief and am in "new normal" stage I
guess.
It is hard
to start a new year and leave Quinn further behind. It always will be, but at
the same time, I am looking forward to the future. I am looking forward to
watching my sweet Ashlyn and Adley grow and work on a better marriage with
Steve. I will be honest, your daughter dying and everything that comes along
with it can take a toll on your marriage. I think we are both at a point in our
grief that it is time that we can stop looking inward and start looking to each
other, too. We can grow closer again, like we used to be. Stop being just
Ashlyn, Quinn, and Adley's mom & dad and become Meghan & Steve, the
couple, again.
My
resolution for 2014 is to be a better me. In every way that I can be. Take
care of myself more and put me first for a change. Wash my face before bed,
work out again, lose some more weight, get up earlier so I am not rushing in the
morning, be more organized, be more patient with the girls, just work on being a
better me! Oh, and maybe even to blog more ;)
I hope you
have a very happy and safe New Years!
