Thursday, November 1, 2012


Today was my OB appointment. Things are looking great!! I am 27 weeks 4 days and measuring 29 weeks. So I have actually slow down since I was measuring 26 weeks at my last appointment 4 weeks ago. BP, weight, everything is looking good with me, though I would like the weight to slow down! Heart beat was 152. This little girl is a mover! Constantly squirming and kicking! I am thinking we might have an Irish dancer on our hands from the feel of it most times! I love it!
Today was also my one our glucose test. Now, me being the dumbass that I am had a café mocha at home before the appointment. I was totally not thinking and actually it never even occurred to me until the tech asked me what was in my cup before I drank the glucose crap. At that point I was only sipping on water but she mentioned that she just wanted to make sure it was Mt Dew or something or I would be back for the 3 hour. Yeah. Hand to the forehead! I am hoping that my saving grace might be that my numbers always tend to be very low and maybe just maybe I didn't totally screw myself and just fail so I have to sit there for 3 effing hours! I guess we will find out in the next few days if they call me. If they call I failed, if I passed no call! Let's pray for no call!
So last night, I had my very first dream where Quinn was in it. In nearly a year this is the very first time that she has ever been in my dream. Now that is not to say that she was not thought of in a dream. I have had dreams where she existed and I knew that I had lost her but she herself has never appeared in my dreams. Does that make sense? I remember very little of the dream but I know that she was there. She was a little older and beautiful. That is what I remember most, she was beautiful! I do remember that I got to hold her though she was at least a couple months old.. Maybe older, I don't know, I can't place it. I told her over and over how beautiful she was. I wish that I would see her in my dreams every night. I woke up missing her but feeling happy. I have been feeling good lately. Comforted. I can't really get into specifics at the request of others but there has been some events that have made me feel like she is here with us. That she is always here. The most comforting though is the feeling that she knew that we were there and that she was surrounded by love when she died. That she knew that I was holding her close to me. I can't tell you how wonderful and comforting it is to think that she really did know.
Anyway, sorry for being all cryptic, but it doesn't really matter why I have found this comfort, I have and it is a wonderful feeling. I miss my Bean but I feel her with me more and more =)
Now I have to get planning that party =)


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