Ashlyn talks about Quinn a lot. We encourage it. It makes my heart smile and cry at the same time.
She woke up the other day and the first words out of her mouth were that she told Quinn that mommy and daddy love her.
She will randomly bring her up with no prompting at all. She will talk about her being in Heaven with Jesus and God.
The hard times are when she asks if she can go and see her in Heaven. She will ask where Heaven is and when you tell her that it is way up in the sky with the clouds she wants to go. She knows that Uncle Nick lives far away in Florida and he takes an airplane to get there so she figures that if Heaven is far away we can just fly there too. How can you explain to someone so sweet and innocent that we can't just go and visit as much as we wish we could. I try and tell her that someday, a long long time from now, we can all go and visit Quinney. She will ask if random people can come as well, her cousins, Ethan and Dommie and their sister Lennyn, Nana, Papa, Terry our neighbor,... she wants them all to go to Heaven with her and visit her sister and God.
Oh how I wish we could visit my Quinn-Bean. Oh how I wish that Ashlyn could know her baby sister, and Adley her big sister.
My heart hurts today.
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2 comments:
Your blog is the only one I can find that is about a baby born with trisomy 13. I literally in the last hour was called and given the official diagnosis for our son...I'm just 23 weeks along, we found out there were abnormalities at the 20 week appointment and got to see more during a level two ultrasound last Tuesday. I feel so...the biggest pit of sadness I can feel right now and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm lost and I'm going to read thruogh your blog right now and see if it can help me feel anything right now.
I am so so very sorry. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to see your comment and for all that you are going through right now. I know exactly the sadness, anger, hurt, questioning, unconditional love, protectiveness… you are feeling right now.
It is all consuming and completely overwhelming.
I am so sorry.
There are no words that I can say to help you right now.
Please let me know if there is ANYTHING that I can do to help. ANYTHING. Even if it is just to talk to someone that knows what it feels like.
Feel free to email me at mkpfeiffer88 at gmail.com
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