Saturday was my 15 year reunion. It was a good time. I am sure it would have been a little more fun had I not been completely sober but still, good time. I mingled but not as much as I could have... again, I was completely sober!
There were a couple of people there that mentioned Quinn and the blog. I guess I forget that there are actually people out there that read this. I guess in my mind it is just like a diary hidden under my bed where I can go to put all of my inner thoughts. The good, the bad, the fucked up, all of it, just out there. I forget that it is actually all out there! It is very surreal to know that people actually read my words. I don't know how I feel about it. I guess at times I feel... exposed.
But that was the point right... to be exposed. To tell it all - the ugly, the painful, the good things, and the bad. Expose all of my deep crazy fucked up-ness in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, my words would help someone else. Maybe there is another mom who has lost their baby and my words will help them not feel alone, not feel crazy because maybe they are just as lost as me. Or maybe my words will simply make someone appreciate all that they have. Make them look at their children in a new light. Each and every one of our children are a mirical, a gift! On those days that they are driving you crazy, just absolutly pull your hair out crazy, you remember that some of us do not get to be driven crazy by our kids and make you appreciate them all the more. I hope. I hope that my words help you in some small way because then it makes it worth it. It makes all of these words that I pour out actually matter.