Saturday was my 15 year reunion. It was a good time. I am sure it would have been a little more fun had I not been completely sober but still, good time. I mingled but not as much as I could have... again, I was completely sober!
There were a couple of people there that mentioned Quinn and the blog. I guess I forget that there are actually people out there that read this. I guess in my mind it is just like a diary hidden under my bed where I can go to put all of my inner thoughts. The good, the bad, the fucked up, all of it, just out there. I forget that it is actually all out there! It is very surreal to know that people actually read my words. I don't know how I feel about it. I guess at times I feel... exposed.
But that was the point right... to be exposed. To tell it all - the ugly, the painful, the good things, and the bad. Expose all of my deep crazy fucked up-ness in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, my words would help someone else. Maybe there is another mom who has lost their baby and my words will help them not feel alone, not feel crazy because maybe they are just as lost as me. Or maybe my words will simply make someone appreciate all that they have. Make them look at their children in a new light. Each and every one of our children are a mirical, a gift! On those days that they are driving you crazy, just absolutly pull your hair out crazy, you remember that some of us do not get to be driven crazy by our kids and make you appreciate them all the more. I hope. I hope that my words help you in some small way because then it makes it worth it. It makes all of these words that I pour out actually matter.
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3 comments:
You and your daughter have helped me in more ways than you could know. I found out two weeks ago that my daughter has Trisomy 13 and my world has been turned upside down. I relate to everything you have said and your story is a true inspiration. I too have decided to carry my baby girl Faith but am scared to death at what that really means. I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate you taking the time to create this blog and share your life. It gives me hope. I wish you and your family so much love!
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis. First and foremost I just want to tell you that simply because my daughter didn't survive long, please do not give up hope that your Faith might. There are many, many, babies that do make it, even though the medical world doesn't always share that with us.
Please, if I can be of any help at all, even if just to vent your fears and frustrations to, please email me! mkpfeiffer at gmail.com
Oh wait, wrong email address (sorry!)
mkpfeiffer88 at gmail.com
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