Thursday, August 23, 2012

Back from vacation!

I swear that I am going to get around to posting some pictures for the beach here soon. We had an absolutely wonderful time on vacation with the family!
It started out a little rocky…. apparently you have to tell the GPS NORTH
Myrtle Beach and not just Myrtle Beach…. We ended up at 3150 N Ocean BLVD no problem… except that the problem was, it wasn't our condo. Which was quite clear as soon as you looked at the place. I mean either my in-laws have been holding out on the fact that they won the lottery prior to booking this place or we were clearly not in the correct location! Well, turns out that we were about 20 minutes away from where we should have been. There were a few tense moments there…. okay, okay, tense is an understatement. I am highly surprised that Ashlyn wasn't dropping the F-bomb after that little fiasco. Sweet little child was giving me everything she could to comfort me as I was crying and no longer talking to Steve after screaming "That is the fucking address I put in" and it was… minus the North part. Hey, no one told me!
So puppy, blanket, her sippy cup, and her "hippo" (otherwise known as a pillow - she might be slightly confused on this one…) rode with me in the front for the rest of the trip.
We did finally make it to the correct condo and it was very nice, I mean there was no fountain and you wouldn't mistake if for a hotel in Las Vegas, but still, very nice! The week was wonderful. We had fabulous weather and had a great time just relaxing and just doing whatever we wanted to do! I promise, pictures are coming soon!!!
Now that we are home from vacation I am desperately trying to get life back to normal and still failing miserably. We just can't seem to stop running.
Tuesday was the Precious Parents meeting that I thought I had missed while we were on vacation. I missed both June and July and I was so thrilled when I realized that I got to go this month. I desperately needed that Quinn time. It is so nice to just get to think of my Bean and talk about her. Just saying her name makes me feel better! I miss her so very very much and I don't get to say her name near enough! I say Ashlyn probably 100 times a day and really, there are days that I don't say Quinn once. How sad is that! I needed that meeting! Apparently we all did because we ended up not leaving until just after 11:00! As much as I needed that Quinn time, in regards to Bee, it is hard. I am already a freak about this pregnancy and not fully convinced that there is a baby in there at all… yes, I know I have heard the heartbeat and in no way fit in normal cloths anymore but still……
Listening to everyone else brag about their babies does instill all that fear that you just never know! I want to go back to being naïve. I want to go back to believing that you get pregnant, make it past the 12 week mark and you are home free. You are then guaranteed to bring home a healthy happy baby. Or maybe the baby wont' be happy, maybe they will be colicky but you still go home with that screaming little being. But that isn't always the case. Babies die and sometimes always for no good reason! I still don't understand it. I cherish each and every person in my support group. I appreciate that they "get it" and they don't flinch when I say my daughter's name or look away when I cry but I hate that I have to know them at all. Hate it! I hate that I know that there is no guarantee that I will get to go home with a baby. All I can do is hold onto hope that this time we will be one of the lucky ones!
Next post, pictures of the beach, I promise!!


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