Thursday, February 9, 2012

If the moon stays up until morning one day.........

This morning on my way to drop Ash off at Renee's, I noticed that the moon was still up and it made me think of the first book that we read to Quinn. 

If the moon stays up until morning one day,
or a ladybug lands and decides to stay,
or a little bird sits at your window a while,
it's because they're all hoping to see you smile....

I believe that my Quinn-Bean was saying "hello" to me today and letting me know that it is all okay.  She is happy and healthy.  She is patiently waiting until the day that I join her in Heaven and until that day it is all okay.  I love the days that my baby says "hello"!  I needed it today.  I have been having a really hard time lately.  I have been holding onto a lot of hurt caused by other people.  Today, I am letting it go.  I am letting go my expectations of other people because they just don't know.  Are there still people that I do not have room for in my life, yes.  So it is time to let go of the anger and just simply walk away from them.  The anger was consuming me and I need to let go.  I need to move on to a place that I can be with the memories of my daughter, the pain and the joy but let go of the anger. 

I feel like there have been expectations put on me lately and I am not ready for them.  I am not in a place yet where I can make others feel better about this because I do not feel better yet.  I don't know if I ever will, I doubt it.  I won't feel guilty about what did and didn't happen because I can't.

I didn't know that her time with us would be that short.  Yes, I knew that it wouldn't last forever but she was doing so well that I didn't know that I would only have 4 days.  I thought there was more time!  I thought I still had time to get the pictures of the little feet and hands and ears.  Oh, how her Daddy loved those ears.  But, there wasn't time.  I hate that there wasn't enough time.  No matter what though, there never would have been enough.  Unless she outlived me there would always be something that I meant to do and thought that I still had time. 

A lesson that my baby girl taught me is to love with all you have because you never know if today might be your last day.  Hug extra tight and tell them again how much they mean to you and that you love them because tomorrow is never a promise, it is a gift!

I love you Quinney!  I miss you more than words baby girl!


KatieMGreen said...

So sweet.

Regretting things is something I go thru too. Like I should have done this, or did I do everything I could, or why didn't I get a picture of that?!? And it takes a full day it two of sadness for me to realize, yet again, that it still wouldn't have been enough.
Like why didn't I get a good pic of her without any tubes? And then one day realizing or remembering that hallie had this feature an I almost forgot. A million pics are never enough. I'm just afraid of forgetting or regretting things.
So it's good to know I'm not alone and a good reminder to just let go.

Hope you have a good weekend.

Anonymous said...

The moon stayed up until morning today. I thought of your Quinn as I drove to work.

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