Valentine's Day...

...this year was bittersweet. I had a lovely evening with 2 of my Valentines

but there was definitely something missing, Quinn. Before we went out to dinner at Steve and I's favorite restaurant, Macaroni Grill (which is quickly losing it's place as my top pick, it just hasn't been as good since it re-opened), we stopped at the cemetery to "see" our gal! Since we couldn't find anything Valentines-ey that we could assure would not fall over or something in the elements I decided to get her a butterfly and a dragonfly decoration. I think it looks nice and springy!

I really would like to get rid of this temporary marker and get a headstone but they are so damn expensive! We are looking at around $4,500 for a run of the mill, nothing fancy, headstone. Ugh! This on top of all of the medical bills that are STILL coming in. Honestly, how long can it possibly take to get everything billed. At this point we are up to about $7,000. I really think that if you do not come home with your baby you should not have to pay all of the bills. It is only fair right… I think so!!!
When you have a baby that dies you don't just have bills that come in the mail. You still get the formula checks and the coupons to all of the baby stores. There is no box to check to unsubscribe because your baby is dead. All of it is a reminder of what you should have and yet here you are with nothing. Nothing but the sweet memories of your beautiful daughter that no matter how much you plead isn't coming home. Ever. It is a hard pill to swallow.
Yesterday we received a letter from the Hospital that in March they will be having a small ceremony for all babies who passed away September - December. When your child's name is read you can go up and light a candle in their honor. Sounds like a splendid fucking evening, doesn’t it. Yep. I am sure that we will end up going because how sad would it be for her name to be read and no one be there for her…. I couldn't do that to her. She deserves to be recognized no matter how hard it will be!