Thursday, February 2, 2012

2 months ago a piece of my heart went to Heaven

The other day a friend had this quote on her FB: 
Resentment for the friends and acquaintances who said nothing was a wild, suffocating vine winding around my heart, squeezing out my compassion, clinging to my fear, bearing a bitter, inedible melon
It is from this blog
I can't agree with this more.  When you go through something like this, something so earth shattering and life altering, you will find out who people really are.  The people that text you to ask how you are doing out of the blue or email that they are thinking of you and love you are your true friends and family. 
There are a few people that really disappointed me with how they responded to me, how they just really weren't and aren't there for me.  There are even a couple people that hurt me so badly that there is no turning back.  Some relationships will never be repaired.  I guess this has been really weighing heavy on me lately, I even had a dream of confronting one of them.  I really see them for who they are now and who they are, I do not like. 
I do not understand how you could sit back and watch as I lost my daughter and say NOTHING.  Nothing!  Not one single word to acknowledge her life or our loss.  You are childish and so hateful that you could not put aside petty differences to be there for me, or more importantly, Quinn.  You could however send an email asking us to buy cookies.  Really?  Really?  This just goes to prove the type of person you are, both of you.  If you read this, know that I will never, NEVER, forgive you.  Ever. 
Sorry, that was just really something that I had to get out.  Phew, I feel better now! 
I know that it is hard and uncomfortable to face someone who just lost their child.  I know that losing a child is the hardest thing that you could ever go through.  I know that people do not understand the pain that I feel or the loss that I will never get over, I know that.  However, that doesn't mean that you should avoid the topic.  I want, need, to talk about my daughter.  She was here and she is very much alive in my heart and I need to talk about her.  If you make me cry, oh well, in all honesty, that isn't that much of an accomplishment.  The tears are always there, they may not be falling but they are always there.  Please do not avoid me, or worse, pretend like nothing happened.  Something did happen and I will never be the same for it.  Quinn was here and I am better for having known and loved her.  I poured everything I had into loving her and I still do.  I love her so purely and deeply even when I knew that I would most likely have to say goodbye.  I held nothing back and for that I am a better person.  So please, please do not pretend that nothing happened. 


Anonymous said...

I'm not going to lie--I'm pretty much done with a nice handful of my friends from college because of this. And some of them pretended not to know, which struck me as even more ridiculous.

I let go of the anger pretty quickly, but I guess I feel like I just have no time/interest/energy left for them since they couldn't squeak out even an acknowledgement of the most devastating experience of my life.

People can just be so incredibly self-absorbed and disappointing.


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