Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Decision.....

I don't know how or when but seems like our decision just happened.  I agonized over what to do.  What decision could we possibly make that we could live with for the rest of our lives?  Finally after I stopped agonizing and just started trying to live again it somewhat made it self.  We have to go full term and give our daughter every chance that she deserves.  I don't know what will be in store for us.  I don't know if we will get to meet Quinn before she makes her journey into Heaven or not but until she does make that journey she will be with me.  Day and night she will be with me and when the day comes that God decides to take her from us, we will deal with it.  Until that day we are going to cherish every single second that we are blessed to share with her. 

I know that this will be by far the hardest thing that I will ever do in my life.  Carrying a child that I know might not make into this world will be excruciating and I will need a lot of love and support to get through it.  Thankfully, I have an incredibly supportive husband who will be with me every second of the way as well as amazing family and friends.  We are so very blessed that we have so many wonderful people in our lives who are praying for us and our Quinn.  With out all of you we wouldn't be able to make it through this.

There will be many many more hard decisions and plans in our future but for now I feel a slight bit of peace.  The burden of making this life altering decision is off of me.  Now we can move on.  We might not know what the future holds for us or for Quinn but I feel a bit better that it is no longer up to me.  It is now in God's hands as to when and how Quinn is taken from us.  So, for now I will do my best to enjoy the time that I do have with my Quinn-Bean and be the best Momma that I can for her while she is with me. 

In honor of last nights concert:
To my Quinn,

If you go away girl
You're taking my heart with you
If you go away girl
You'll be breaking my heart in two
If you only stay girl
I promise you the world

No one can say it like NKOTB =)  I love you Quinn-Bean more than you will ever know! 


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