Sunday, July 24, 2011

My reason for breathing

Right now I do not feel like I have much to thank God for but I do thank Him for my Ashlyn. She is my reason for breathing. The only reason that I am able to get out of bed and face this hell. She is so sweet and innocent and has no idea what has potentially been taken from her. She doesn't know that her little sister might not make it into this world. I think that this breaks my heart more than anything but for her I am so glad. I am so glad that she doesn't know the pain of loss yet.
Seeing my Bug smile is what makes life worth living and going on. She still needs her momma and daddy so, here we are. We do our best to be happy and not show her the sadness that we feel right now. We do our best to not cry in front of her. One afternoon while Ash and I were alone in the living room I did start crying. She was just getting off the couch when she looked at me and saw the tears in my eyes. She climbed right back up and gave me a big hug. I might not have much to feel thankful for right now but I have her and that is more than some people have!! I love you Ashlyn Grace, more than you will ever know!

I know that it might seem like I am getting ahead of myself since we haven't even heard from the doctor yet but I feel in my guts that it is Trisomy 18. I pray that the doctor is wrong and that it isn't but I just feel that it is. Regardless, our little Quinn will have so much against her that I am afraid to have too much hope for anything.


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