Wednesday, September 14, 2011

How can it be?

I am not in denial but sometimes it is still so hard to believe that this is really happening.  I have met with Palliative Care, spoke to doctors, researched as if I am studying for the Bar exam and yet it is still hard to wrap my mind around this.  The words "I am seeing some genetic defects here" still sound like a foreign language.  I still can't understand how or why this happened.  I feel her moving around and it feels so normal.  She feels so strong just like Ashlyn did.  Nothing feels different than when I was pregnant with Ashlyn yet it all is.  How can that be?  How can everything feel so normal and be the exact opposite?  I know that they aren't wrong, but I still don't understand how my baby can be in grave danger of dying.  I have seen the chromosomes on the page and know that she clearly has a 3rd 13th chromosome but I still just don't understand how at times it can feel so normal. 


Miranda said...

*Big hugs* I'm so sorry.

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