Monday, September 5, 2011

Yesterday morning we were laying in bed snuggling with Ashlyn.  I was feeling some kicks so I put Steve's hand on my belly.  He felt Quinney kick for the first time.  It honestly felt so wonderful to be happy and excited about a normal pregnancy moment.  I felt a real since of joy.  I am so glad that Steve can share in this pregnancy a little more now.  He will be able to feel her kick and share the joy of her moving and knowing that she is strong. 
Steve is still looking forward to her birth.  I am still dreading it.  When she is still with me she is safe (relatively speaking) and I can feel her moving and know she is alive.  When she is born I won't be able to keep her safe anymore.  I can't bear that thought.  I want to be able to always keep her safe and with me. 
I can also understand why Steve is looking forward to her being born.  I think we are both wanting to meet her and see her.  I know that she won't look like a perfect newborn but lets be honest here, most newborns are the prettiest.  Honestly most look like either an alien or a lizard.  Quinn may look different but she will still be our beautiful baby.  There are also so many unknowns that we will have to face when she is born.  We don't know when she might come since there is a good chance that she might be early.  We don't know what labor will be like.  We don't know if she will be born alive or still.  There is so much that we don't know.  If she is born alive we don't know if we will get only minutes, hours, days, or years with her.  At least once she is born we will get to start facing these unknowns and in one way or another we will start moving on.  No matter how scary that is. 


KatieMGreen said...

hey girl! i just read this and thought it was good. i thought i would share it with you.
i am def in that time right now of trying to figure out what is the best path for us to take (as far as choosing the right doctors, palliative care, aggressive care, etc.) it just seems out of my control so much and i'm trying so hard to learn all i can and somewhat control things. but i know that our babies will tell us what to do, too. i pray for that clarity.
have a great week!!

here is the link:

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