Sorry that it has been a while, this week has been crazy busy.
Wednesday was my 32nd birthday. I had a great day but it was clouded in sadness. Steve went out of his way to make it a wonderful day for me. Ashlyn stayed the night at Renee's (her baby-sitter) house. Steve and I went to dinner at Carrabba's. It was delicious! The only problem was that they sat a table of 11 women right behind us. One of these woman had a very small baby with her. A very small baby with a full head of hair. I tried my best to ignore them but it was very hard. At one point Steve asked me if was bothering me and I nearly lost it. I didn't want to cry and did my best not to. Sometimes I am fine to see other babies but every once in a while it is just hard. I think it was particularly hard that day because I was already feeling a little down. As much as I was trying to enjoy my birthday since I LOVE birthdays I was still feeling a little down. Here I am turning 32 and nothing is as planned. I should be happy and excited that I am 32 and my life is right where it should be but instead it is anything but. I am supposed to be planning my life with Steve and my girls but I can't do that. At 32 I should not know such profound sadness. At 32 I should not be planning for my daughter's birth and death. As much as I tried to keep these thoughts away it wasn't easy.
After dinner, we went home and Steve gave me my birthday present. He got me a Pandora bracelet with charms that spell out both our babies' names. It is beautiful. It is the perfect gift.
Thursday was my normal checkup with my midwife. I gave her my birth plan and we talked a bit about that. I showed her Quinn's 3D ultrasound and we talked about how I had been feeling. I told her that as of the ultrasound Quinn is breech. I told her how I feel like she is big. It is a different feeling than with Ash because she is breech and I do not have the pelvic pressure but I am very uncomfortable and she just feels big. This is right about the time that she did my measurement and she said said that "wow, you are measuring HUGE". I asked her to define huge and I am measuring 36 weeks. Yikes. Seeing as I am only 30 weeks and 3 days at this point this isn't really good. Not really sure why I am measuring so large at this point. We did schedule a growth ultrasound with Dr Stewart for 10/5 and hopefully we will get some answers at that point. I let Julie, our case worker in the fetal treatment center, know and she is going to try and make it to the ultrasound as well. I am anxious and nervous for the ultrasound but I am sure that will end up a post all it's own.
Today I feel like crap. I am not sure if it is because I am an idiot and took my iron pill on an empty stomach or what. Either way I will not make that mistake again. My stomach felt horrible, well still does actually. I worked until a little after 1 and then went home. As soon as I got home I went straight to bed and stayed there until Steve and Ashlyn got home. After they got home I did force myself to get up and play for a bit. I am desperately hoping that I will feel better tomorrow, especially since our maternity pictures are tomorrow which the weather is NOT cooperating for.