This is something that Steve and I have been discussing lately. Sadly, it seems that he has lost his. He is angry and doesn't understand how God can let innocent children be harmed like this. I can't say that I understand it either but it doesn't make me believe any less. I can understand Steve's anger and hurt right now. I have had to fight to keep my faith through this process. It would be easy to say that God has given up on me so I am giving up as well but I refuse to do that. From the very beginning of this journey I said that there were 2 things I wouldn't do. I wouldn't become a bitter person and I wouldn't blame God. Yes I have asked Him why a million times but I have not blamed him and I have certainly not become a bitter hateful person. I have had MANY struggles in my life and honestly if anyone has a right to question God's existence and His love it is me. I didn't have the picture perfect childhood but my Dad made it the best that he could and I have very found memories. Yes we struggled and yes there was loss and because of that I am the person that I am today but those events did not define me and neither will this. I am a strong person because of the life that I have lead and I will be even stronger because of this and so will my faith.
I honestly get very upset with Steve when he tells me that he has no faith and hasn't prayed a single time since we had the ultrasound. I can understand his reasoning but it is very hard for me to hear. I have to believe even more now than I did before. I have to believe that there is a power greater than us who is looking out for our daughter. Even more so, I have to believe that should she pass that she is going to a better place and that I will see her again. If I didn't believe this I wouldn't be able to do this.
Steve has two Priests in his family. Saturday morning Steve's Uncle, Father Bob, called to tell us that he has been praying for Quinn Elise and us. Not only is he praying but every church that he goes to celebrate Mass at he has added us to their prayer chain. Sunday afternoon I saw a comment from Steve's cousin, Father Matt, telling us the same thing. He is praying for all of us and each of the churches that he has visited he has dedicated the Mass to Quinn. As I told Steve, if us receiving those messages from both Fr Bob and Fr Matt the same weekend we were discussing his lack of faith isn't a sign that God is with us and that He is leading us through this then I don't know what is.