Steve read my blog last night and noticed how I had wrote about feeling alone in certain aspects of things. We had a nice heart to heart and he knows that he needs to face things more than he is. No matter how hard things are for either of us we have to be able to do this together. I shouldn't feel like I am doing anything alone. He agreed that even when he doesn't necessarily want to hear things he has to and we will discuss and deal with them together. I told him it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him but I also do not want to push him and then him get upset and get down if he was in a good place. He has admitted that as time has went on it is getting harder for him. It is getting harder to talk to people and tell those who don't know what is going on. He says that the closer it gets the harder it gets... well that is a problem when you are still 16 weeks away from the due date! I think it is time that I start looking into some sort of counseling. We had already been seeing a counselor from when Steve was having anxiety issues so I think we may go see her soon and then possibly a grief counselor too.
I, unlike Steve, have found that it has been easier for me to talk about things lately. I have had a good week emotionally. I have definitely had my tears but I haven't had that sadness that makes it hard to breath. Of course hearing about Annalise passing was a rough time. I am terrified that we might find ourselves in that very same position of loosing Quinn before she even has a chance to be born but I can't concentrate on that. I have always known it was a possibility but so is her living and I am choosing to concentrate on her living.
I am looking forward to our meeting next Friday at Children's Hospital with Fetal Treatment and Palliative Care. I am glad to be thinking and talking about her living rather than dying. Today I also got an email from a family in Cleveland who had a baby girl with full T13 on July 20th. They did not know that their daughter had Trisomy 13 until after she was born. I am thankful that they have found us and I know that they will be a huge support as we continue on our journey. I also find it interesting that we both found out on 7/20 that our daughters had T13.
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I'm thinking I would like counseling, too, but I don't know where to start. My husband said he has some resources through the church. I am nervous about it, I don't know why! I know it will help. I am glad you are doing it, it puts it back on my radar to get on it myself. Have a great weekend!!
Dear Meghan,
This is Fr. Matt, Steve's cousin. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I have read your blog and cannot imagine the hardship you and Steve are suffering. Yet I see also your faith, hope, and love coming through as well as God's presence with you even in this pain. I will be out of town for a time with the opportunity to celebrate Masses. I will be offering them for Quinn Elise, you, Steve, the whole family, and all those you are reaching with your blog. You are not only in my prayers but the prayers of the whole Church. God is with you all.
Love,
Fr. Matt
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