Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Survived another week

I can't believe that today is 2 weeks.  It seems like forever yet it seems like just minutes ago that I was laying on that table when my whole world was shattered.  I still have a really hard time believing that this is real.  I don't understand.  I never will. 
I have actually started to tell a few more people.  A couple of the guys at work asked how the baby was doing and I told them about the diagnosis.  Of course no one knows what to say but I think it is even harder for guys.   I feel odd telling people.  I feel so distant from it when I talk about it at times.  They ask how the baby is or if it is a boy or a girl and I tell them girl but that she has been diagnosed with Trisomy 13.  No one I have told has any clue what it is.  Not even my hair dresser who is pregnant.  I was familiar with T13 and T18 from the pamphlet they gave me when I went through the testing at least so it surprises me that no one has heard of this.  I explain that it is a chromosomal defect in which she has 47 rather than the normal 46 chromosomes and that the prognosis isn't good.  I tell them there is a chance that she will not make it but we are praying that she might.  It is so matter of fact and to the point.  I don't know how else to be.  I feel almost like I am removed, like I am telling them about some other person's baby who has this terrible condition, not my baby.   
I also wrote a letter to send to our friends and family to explain the situation.  I guess I feel that I need as many people to know as possible just in case Quinn doesn't make it.  I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone excitedly ask me about the new baby and then me have to tell them that she passed. 

My neighbor came over today to bring Ashlyn and I cucumbers from her garden.  She is a very nice lady but speaks very little English.   She patted my belly and said "Son?"  I told her that we were having another little girl and she smiled.  I couldn't tell her about the T13 because she wouldn't have understood me.  This made me realize no matter how prepared I try to be for the questions eventually someone is going to ask me about the baby who will expect the normal, she is beautiful, such a happy baby.  The worst that they might be expecting is for me to complain about sleepless nights and colic.   I pray more than anything that I am blessed to have sleepless nights with my baby girl!


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