Thursday, August 25, 2011

How do I know what is best?

Tomorrow is our meeting with Fetal Care.  I also got a call today from the Genetics Center and they will be joining us.  We met with them for genetic counseling when we were advised that we are high risk for Down Syndrome.  I guess I am ready.  I have been doing a lot of reading on T13 but I know that I will never know everything.  With all of the reading that I have done I am doubting my decision for not having a scheduled c-section or at least having heart monitoring during labor and if it would look as if Quinn might be in distress going for an emergency c-section.  I understand the thought process of the medical community to not recommend a c-section.  It is major surgery and would put a scar on my uterus and there is no guarantee that Quinn would survive even with the surgery.  At the same time though she might a better chance at survival if she doesn't have to go through the stress of labor.  These decisions seem so impossible to make because I honestly don't know what is best.  I told Steve last night that my biggest fear is failing Quinn by making the wrong decisions.  I just don't know how we will always know what is best for her.  I suppose all we can so is pray for the guidance to make the best decisions that we can. 

Tonight I decided to not try and read the medical information but to read more of the stories from real families on the Living with Trisomy 13 website.  It is uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time.  While I am reading all of these stories Quinn is in there kicking away.  My little girl is getting stronger.  When I set my hand on my belly I can see it move when she kicks.  I am not sure if she is kicking to comfort me while I read all of these stories or if it is because she is upset that the Browns are playing so poorly right now =)


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